I Don’t Know What The Future Holds

And while none of us know what the future holds, this particular situation is more immediate. Rudy has been in the hospital for over a month now, and while basically his health goes up-and-down while there, it’s been a slow decline. Right now he’s retaining a lot of fluid still. And while he’s taking a LOT of medicine to get the fluid out, it’s a very slow process. And this is crazy because if you or I were to take 1 dose of what Rudy takes, we would instantly dry up into a fine powder and disperse in the breeze. And he takes that much medicine like 5 times a day. And the fluid is only s-l-o-w-l-y coming out.

And what happens when we get him down to his target? I don’t know. It’s not like we can just say “Done!” and discharge him because he’ll instantly start retaining fluid again – and FAST. And since we don’t know WHY he’s retaining fluid, we don’t know how to make him stop. So what do we do?

Right now he’s not doing well otherwise. He’s basically given up- he doesn’t want to fight any more. So I’m fighting for him as best I can when I can make it in to the hospital. He’s confused (not all the time, but frequently), he’s weak, his body hurts more than my body hurts me (and that’s new and amazing right there). He just lays in bed wanting it to all be over and hating his life.

I don’t sleep basically at all any more. I have to sleep at home because my back requires our mattress at home- we have a special memory foam mattress and the “beds” they have for families at the hospital are cots that are HORRIBLE for you at the best of times and my body is not in a  “best of times” situation. And when I lay down in bed at night and Rudy isn’t there and the reality of the situation is just sitting on me I can’t sleep- it’s all I can do to stay alive myself. So I get up and try to keep myself distracted.

I fear the worst right now. And while I realize that is a sort of “counting the chickens before they hatch” situation since none of us know the future, I can’t help it. I am only human. A very worried, very frightened human being.

Which is sort of why it’s hard to write stories right now. Though I am trying- it is distracting, which is what I need.

Ah well. Life is life.

Anne

Last One I Promise

She’s been bigger, but this is what I mean:

What’s to say? Tits. Oh, and there’s a woman behind them, too.

Because she has a perfect body to fit in the stomach of a snake. The tight fit of the stomach sac around her body, the flesh of the snake around her so tight it’s  basically form fitting- through the flesh of the snake’s belly you could make out her actual face through the snake stomach muscle, recognize the woman inside the snake stomach through facial recognition even if you didn’t know the rest of her body.  And even though the snake has other organs inside of it’s body as well, as well as sheathes of muscle and a wall of scales to keep the outside world outside you can follow every curve of her body inside the snake. The swell of each large, soft breast, and indeed- each hard nipple pressing outward and well shaped through the body of the snake. Each rounded buttock encased in snake ribs as well as snake muscle and stomach sac, and yet the gentle ladder of ribs only enhances the erotic beauty of this woman inside the stomach of the snake. Between her legs and the join of legs to abdomen the skin and muscle of the snake dips inward and hints at the musky wonder of her aroused female parts, trapped in the moist, hot stomach sac and only minutes away from being digested alive… and yet so eager to join with the aroused groin of another, even within the moist belly of the beast.

Although the snake that has swallowed this woman whole and alive is only seven feet long from the tip of it’s tail to the lips of it’s snout, there is no doubt that it can digest her alive; that it can keep her trapped within the strong muscular sac of the stomach as she is bathed in strong digestive acids, even as she struggles to escape at first. In fact the stomach of the snake that has eaten this young woman, that has taken her within it’s body entirely, that has swallowed her alive. Treated as as food, simply food, to be eaten. Not a person, not worthy of anything but being eaten. And simply food she is- First and most obvious, she is female, she is a woman and that right there has sealed her fate. She is food, and being digested alive as food, because she is a woman, just food to be eaten and nothing more.

Whew. I, uh, I have something I gotta, I gotta do. Uh, so yeah, I’ll be back, just gotta, hey, I’m gonna busy for a while.

Anne

I’m Almost Done With The Fake Boobs Rant

But don’t get me wrong- I like ALL boobs, and usually the fake one’s best ’cause they’re usually W-A-Y bigger than “real” boobs. And why not go for a 10,000L implant instead of a 1,000L one? Bigger is better 🙂

Anyway.

Wonderful fucking tits, or tits for wonderful fucking?

Fake. Implant city. For all you guys who’ve never had the pleasure of dealing with boobs in the flesh (and I thank goodness every day I have my own boobs- I grope myself on a daily basis. Tits are amazing), if her boobs look like this when she’s standing in front of you, she’s a cyborg. And if you draw a woman looking like this, we know it’s fantasy over reality. Remember that boobs are not just half of a solid sphere pasted into a woman’s chest. Think of them as more half of a water balloon pasted onto a woman’s chest- gravity takes over immediately and Mrs. Nipple starts looking for the south pole.

Now, am I doing these posts as a sort of Public Safety Announcement, or am I just posting pics of huge boobs? Hmmm   🙂

 

Anne

 

Of Course, Sometimes Reality Isn’t Perfect Either

There is nothing wrong with this woman, at all.

Tits are nice, but oh my god.

After all, her tits are bigger than her head, by volume.  And lord knows, sometimes that the only physical information I give about my female characters. Well, that and how big a cock they can take 😉 Oohh baby.

But you know, sometimes real tits aren’t the entire  answer either. You can tell by looking at this cow woman that her tits are 100% real. The tremendous sag, the uneven size, the near-pancake flatness of the one tit while her other tit is slightly fuller, slightly rounder… This poor cunt woman has 100% ugly fucking real tits. I will not talk about this poor bitches this ugly cunt’s this poor cow poor woman’s body. Hell, I’m still short and fat, and my tits aren’t anywhere near this big or pretty. That FUCKING WHORE (let it out, Anne, let it out) woman has a natural body, but damn, I just have to say that while she has natural tits, I will never write a story about her tits. And I don’t mean her tits in particular- I mean sad tits like those.

I am a mean cunt.

Anne

This Pic Shows What I Have Wanted To Tell People

To all you artists, and some of y’all writers as well 🙂 This woman has big boobs. And she has more natural boobs although with the size she may have some enhancement within, although many more women are having bigger boobs these days. Anyway, what I want to point out is that as a real woman, her boobs are NOT spherical, like basketballs, grapefruits, medicine balls, or small planetoids. Real boobs, on real women, are a more cylindrical shape, like tubes, sorta. The nipple isn’t found on the opposite end of a perfectly round sphere- nopes, that nipple is on the end of a hot-dog like tube of breast.

THAT is what a real, wonderful, beautiful, warm, soft, jiggling, fuckable, suckable, set of tits is like.

God, I wish my tits were like that anymore. Sigh.

Anne

Well, Hi Honey. Must Pretend I Am Not Being Watched. Sigh.

Well, I guess I should have figured because I’ve asked him to read the stories I have had posted here, but I officially found out the other day that Rudy reads my blog. Hi Rudy. I love you.

Of course, it was a little more than that, a simple “Hi Dear, reading your blog,”. Since after all, just a post or so back I confessed that I have been drinking again and expected it to be our little secret.

I got a call at home from the hospital with Rudy asking me about my alcohol use. And I ended up at the hospital with him that night and we talked about my alcohol use. Well, more he asked questions while I cried my fucking eyes out. The upshot is I am clean dry and sober again which is most excellent. I just wish it hadn’t happened in this fashion with me crying and begging for forgiveness and all. From my hospitalized husband, who’s been retaining 40 lbs of fluid. And recovering from his brain bleeding. And suffering from congestive heart failure. I am such a fucking cunt.

Anyway, story to follow as soon as I get it done. Love all y’all, Rudy the most of course 🙂

Anne

And I’m Still Off That Fucking Wagon, Dammit.

I was in the store and I could have stopped myself but I didn’t – I bought a six of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. The last six of beer I bought was fucking horrible- hangover left me sick as shit, I was puking, I hated the feeling of being drunk- It was fucking horrible.

I drank a bottle of Strawberry Lemonade- 5% alcohol.

Oh God it tasted good. And the buzz felt wonderful. I drank another. Still good. Buzz still felt nice. A third bottle. Took a few hours to get this far and it felt good the whole way. Tasted good too- not like beer. Fuck, beer is horrible. This stuff tho- Oooh, this Mike’s Hard Lemonade is nice.

Next day I woke up and no hangover.

I’m off the God damned wagon and trying hard to make sure this is a one-shot situation. Number one, it;s fucking expensive. About 8 bucks a six pack. And I can’t drink it when my oldest is around, and since his dad is in the hospital, he’s around ALL THE TIME when he gets home from school. Playing on my computer, hanging around me. Talking, etc. Not a bad thing at all- he’s a good kid in a bad situation- his dad is in the hospital and slowly dying in front of his eyes. And now, while he doesn’t realize it’s happening, his recovering alcoholic step-mom is becoming an alcoholic step-mom again.

FUCK. I have a six and a half of Mike’s with me right now, drinking before he gets home. I have to stop this. I can’t go back to being a full fledged dying alcoholic- it almost killed me before. I had less than 2 months of life left before- my liver was dying, my kidneys were dying, my pancreas was dying…

And oh MAN this Mike’s is good and it tastes good and it feels good to be drunk again but not so drunk I can’t function, and NO FUCKING HANGOVER from this stuff (I can’t stress how wonderful that last part is).

What the fuck am I going to do?

Anne

What’s Up With Rudy Right Now

Okely, first things first: he’s doing “ok”. The bleed in his brain is no longer a bleed- in fact, most of the blood from the bleed is gone. Yay. A good thing 🙂 . His hands are healing, another good thing. Now for the bad- his thyroid levels are way low, and while this is because he has no thyroid, the meds he takes should bring that back  up. They aren’t right now. So he’s also retaining like 40 lbs of fluid and that’s not good. In fact, it;s so not good because we can’t get the fluid off of him- he was on a SHITLOAD of diuretics before I took him in and he retained fluid. Since he’s been in the hospital, they’ve added MORE diuretics, and he’s simply retrained MORE fluid. His feet are huge with fluid, and he swells from the top down- once his feet start to swell, it’s because the fluid doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

So they are telling him RIGHT NOW he’s going to be in the hospital for at least another three weeks. F-U-C-K. I want my husband home RIGHT NOW. I miss him. I’m horny too, and I miss his cock, dammit. I started taking these steroid injections (not ‘just cause’- they’ve been prescribed to me because I was falling asleep like 18 out of 24 hours a day. One of the side affects is that NOW my pussy has woke up- it’s been asleep for a few years now and I thought it was the meds I was taking. Apparently not- since I started taking my steroid injections, Little Anne has woke up and she’s a HUNGRY little bitch 🙂 ).

But that’s the ‘sick husband’ situation right now. Leaving me at home when I can’t go visit him (like today- I take my shots every 2 weeks, and at the end of the 2 weeks I’m falling asleep again. Today I was falling asleep every time I turned around, so I gave myself my shot. It was time- I should have done it yesterday), miserable, bored.

Sigh.

Anne

This Was Amazing, Fun, And Irresponsible

Hello. Next post I will explain why my life has been colorless, grey, hopeless, and miserable for the past several months now. Instead, I will explain what happened today. It was a bit of color, like a red rose in an otherwise black and white movie.

I had had to drive and drop off my oldest child some thirty odd miles today to the local larger town (I live thirty some odd miles away from the larger town in the state of Washington, you see. We moved to this smaller backwater armpit of Satan town some years back to get closer to our children. Now we are trapped in this dying, hillbilly berg where the 24 hour Walmart is the cultural heart.).

So I was driving back, alone, bored, daydreaming. Started daydreaming about, what else? Vore. Buxom blondes swallowed by snakes, digested alive over a period of 12 to 23 days before death overtakes them (yups, takes longer and longer all the time before death by digestion occurs 🙂 What can I say? My pussy gets warmer the longer it takes). The quiz show, where the naked celebrity is swallowed to her waist, and two other women from the studio audience are too swallowed as well- if no one can guess who the naked guest celebrity is before the snake finishes swallowing her alive, all three of the women are digested alive over a period of 12 to 23 days; if the naked celebrity guest is guessed before she is fully swallowed, she is removed from the snake and brought in to talk with the winners- the two studio audience members are swallowed whole and digested alive over a period of 12 to 23 days no matter what (the studio audience members are volunteers).

I started to feel so good doing this I actually scoonched my butt forward and stuck my hand down my pants (wearing sweatpants). I reached way down and started fingering myself as I was driving. On the highway. At 65. And it felt good. In fact, it quickly became more than just playing with myself as I was driving- it quickly became a matter of trying to achieve orgasm while driving, while playing with myself.

It’s not easy to hold yourself together on the highway at 65 when shuddering with a small but wonderful orgasm.

I had to quickly walk into the house when I got home, as my sweats and panties were soaked- I had squirted some when I came in my pants, and change. I’d never before done anything quite so dangerous before- I could easily have lost control when I lost control. But lord it felt good- again, like a bright red rose in the middle of a 2 hour long black and white movie.

Sigh.

 

This Album, By This Band, Makes Me Cry A River Every Time

The band is Ludo and the album name is Broken Bride and it came out in 2005. It’s an EP, 28 minutes, and it’s a concept album- tells a story from beginning to end. One reader on a website http://www.songmeanings.net summarized it perfectly with the words:

Part 1, Broken Bride- The Traveler has been struggling for fifteen years to build a time machine, and finally comes to the night when he will attempt to use it to save his dead wife – who died in a car crash in 1989. It malfunctions, and he is sent to prehistoric times. He is attacked by dinosaurs and retreats safely inside a cave.

Save our City- Meanwhile, after the Travelers departure, humanity is assaulted by zombies, King Simius (a kind of anti-Christ) and the imminent end of the world.

Part 2, Tonight’s the Night- The Traveler has been trapped in his cave and basically chances the raptors and makes an attempt to get to his machine and try to save his wife once more.

Part 3, The Lamb and the Dragon- Barely escaping the predators, The Traveler starts the machine and once again it malfunctions, sending him all the way to the apocalypse – which had started in “Save our city”. King Simius summons (an assumption on my part) The Dragon, which unleashes destruction upon the last of humanity. The Traveler, witnessing the awful events around him, makes a decision to sacrifice his time machine to save the world, and uses “his own dragon” to zap the Beast to another time – destroying the machine in the process. The Traveler is then visited by some kind of celestial beings (angels or the like), who are confused at his broken heart. He tells them of his sorrow at not being able to prevent his wife’s death in the end. In payment of saving humanity, the celestials send him back to May, 1989, the last morning he spent with her…

Part 4, Morning in May- The Traveler finally sees his sleeping wife again after all of his effort and strife, and lies down with her. Soon though, she readies herself and leaves for her fateful car ride. Terrified that her fate will only repeat itself, he stops her from leaving at the last moment and gets in the car with her. Like before, the accident happens, and the Traveler dies with his wife.

Thus, concluding what is likely the best album written in the history of music.

It sounds simplistic and it is. It’s a little confusing when it gets to all the apocalyptic stuff. But part 1, part 2, and part 4 are clear and sad enough that I cannot stop crying when I listen to it (as I am crying now while typing this). I’m sure a lot of my feelings are tied in with my situation with Rudy and how he’s in a constant slow slide into death, and the constant crashes he has- like this last one where by rights he should have died AGAIN (25th time he should have died by rights since we got married? 29th? I’ve lost count).

I doubt it’s healthy for me to listen to this album.