My Comp Has Been Fucked

Which bve why I haven’t been posting more. My Vista install has died the death again, and I am afraid that the problem with my having to re-install  Vista so often is PEBCAK*. Sigh. With this next install, I don’t fuck with it. Ever. I just let it do it’s thing and I leave it alone.

Anyways, that’s why I been gone. Until my main comp gets fixed, Iam RARELY online.

Sigh.

Anne

*PEBCAK = [P]roblem [E]xists [B]etween [C]hair [A]nd [K]eyboard

I Always Wanted To See The End Of Our World

And it looks like I just might. I just feel bad for my kids and my husband’s sister’s kids. I mean, global warming is fucking us HARD, no lube and we’re so dry. And, according to “James Hansen, 67, director of NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies in New York”, “NASA’s top climate scientist”, “We’ve already reached the dangerous level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.” “…greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide, which Hansen said has reached the “tipping point” of 385 parts per million.”

So the kids are fucked. The Pentagon has already determined, through it’s studies, that in 20 years the coasts will be radically altered and that most of the world will be engaged in wars over energy. So goody. I should still be alive, unless the altered planetary climate and panic and all kills me along with the millions promised.

And then of course, we’re already looking at a collapsed global economy. When The US economy falls, we should drag a few other countries with us. We’re entering a bad recession now, probably coupled with a depression that COULD make the one early in the last century look like a picnic. And Japan is falling into a recession. And it looks like China, the centuries great hope, could be next.

Oh goody.

So it looks like the next 20 some odd years could be interesting, in the “I wish I were dead and not experiencing this” kind of way.
So happy days. Why, again, am I supposed to not be depressed and anxious?

Anne

OH MY GOD

I do NOT know what happened. I was T>HI<S close to finishing my story. A slow, BEAUTIFUL snake-swallowing-a-woman-whole-and-alive sequence. It was almost done and it was good!

And then I load it up again- and all my work is GONE.

Do you understand my sudden sense of loss, despair, anger? This has been my first real work since last November. The first time that my mind and body have synced up so I could fucking WORK?

AND IT’S GONE.

i should have used google docs but instead i used open office i should never have done that oh my god oh my fucking god i can’t get back what i wrote fuck fuck FUCK

I Always Feel As If I Am Dying Inside

I am lost, broken, confused. Of course some days are better, and I only feel like a lost, broken soul. Other times it’s much much worse, with massive self-hatred and death wishes mixed in.

At least I have my dying husband. Who is hard to cling to at times like this because he has his own problems.

And my kids. Who, because I am so fucked up and OUR lives are so fucked up, I am sure are going to grow up to be self-loathing, confused adults. If they don’t kill themselves before they reach the adulthood stage of life, and divert directly into the ‘rotting in the ground’ stage of life.
I abuse prescription narcotics. My depression is damn near uncontrolled, and I am on a TON of meds. So actually, I guess it is somewhat controlled, it just doesn’t feel like it.

So I stumble through my life, wishing each day would hurry up and get past.

Anne

p.s. almost done with t

he

stor

y

Pavane For A Dead Princess

As done by Isao Tomita, in a 1979 album, “The Ravel Album”. It could well be that the music was done by Ravel 🙂 . Tomita did music, mostly classical, using synthesizers and the like. Very good music- if you like classical and electronic, check him out. (p.s. If you DO like classical, really, check out Franz Schubert’s ‘Trio In E Flat.” Oh my gosh. It’s beautiful. Music to fuck by. Slow and beautiful.)

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know that I am WORKING ON MY STORY! Offline, amazingly 🙂 Using openoffice, the Oxygen Professional version. About halfway done, and soon I will be finished! MUHAHAHAHA.

Ahem.

Anyways, just wanted to check in. My RLS is still bad, but I can usually sit for a while until the evening. I’m a night owl, but these days I have to go to bed about 9 or 10. I can’t stand up because my back hurts too much and my legs always ACHE, and then standing makes them hurt worse… and I can’t sit, because my RLS won’t let me. So I have to stretch and work my calves as much as I can (my calves are so flexible and strong now it’s fucking ridiculous) and then go to bed.

Sigh.

Anne

I Slept, Last Night, For The First Time In 4 Days

Good Lord. A combination of restless leg (aggravated by my back injury) had kept me from sleeping for FOUR NIGHTS. I felt (and still feel, just not as bad) stretched tight as a drum. Strung out. Exhausted.

But I slept last night. For 11 hours. On my LEFT SIDE. Oh LORD my left side hurts!

Anne

p.s.
Knock Knock on FunnyOrDie.com

Oh Fu- Fu- Fu- FUCK I Hate April 1st

Good LORD world. No, Mama Snake has no sense of humour. Now GROW UP!

🙂

Anne