It Wasn’t That Janice Was Inedible.

When the snake had swallowed her past her generous hips, her feet feep down the throat of the beast and nearing the stomach sphincter, her legs held tight in the muscled throat of the animal that was eating her alive, her hips and buttocks just in the back of the snake’s throat and it’s upper and lower jaws at the small of her back on one side and just over her navel on the other, Janice started to realize that maybe she had made an error in judgement. One of her arms was against her side, her hand trapped against her hip and the strength of the snake jaws would not let her pull her arm free. She had originally thought it would be funny if she were naked as the day she was born while she figured her way out of this, but now with her large, melonlike breasts (each massive flesh oval easily three times as large as her head, including her voluminous hair) cold in the night air and her clean-shaven cunt now all slick with snake spit and literally being eaten she wasn’t so sure.

Well hell, she thought. What would Alice do if she were in this predicament? Well, shucks ,she knew the answer to that, she remembered suddenly. Alice decided to break herself down into essential nutrients as she was bathed in digestive fluids. Alice had been swallowed whole and digested alive by a snake just last week. Janice remembered getting the panicked phone call while watching an old black and white movie and eating potato chips.

“Jan, I need help, I’m being eaten by a snake!” sobbed Alice over the phone. Janice had a premonition that Alice probably wanted her help. Dammit. And she was only half through eating the chips. They weren’t her favorite chip, she liked BBQ best, but these were the only ones in the apartment.

“And?” asked Janice as she dug in the bag.

“And I need help! I don’t want to die!” Alice was crying and sobbing, the tears in her voice making it hard to understand her.

“Well,” said Janice. “We are all born to die. Every last one of us lives under a death sentence.” Still a lot of chips left. She wasn’t really hungry, but she’d eaten this many chips…

“Jan, Jan, help me,” begged Alice, interrupting Janice. What a cunt, thought Janice. Rude bitch. That seals it, whore, the snake can eat your fat ass.

“Okay, Alice, okay,” said Janice, stuffing more chips into her face. “I’ll be right there.” Then, before Alice could say where she was calling from, Janice hung up and thn unplugged the phone from the wall.

She fell asleep in the chair, waking with a crick in her neck and chips all over her front.

Well, Cindy was clever. What would Cindy do- Oh yeah. Cindy too had decided that the prudent course of action was to curl into a tight fetal ball of dead female meat in the belly of the beast. By the time she had been able to get to her phone she’d actually been swallowed whole although  she hadn’t finished the trip down he snake throat into the stomach of the hungry reptile. She’d texted Janice because apparently she couldn’t talk all that well, what with being swallowed whole and entire and her body sliding down the tight tube of the snake throat. However, Janice didn’t have a good cell plan and texts cost her a fucking arm and a leg, so…  she’d turned off the phone, set it to recharge, and fell asleep in front of the TV while eating ice cream.

Well, hell. The more she thought about it, the tight jaws of the mouth of the ravenous snake easing up over her shoulders, front and back, her giant breasts squashed together and hiding her face from view even though her head was as yet entirely unswallowed, the more she realized that every single one of her femal friends had been swallowed whole and entire, then digested alive over a period of one to two days, alive and screaming the entire time until suffocation had finlly killed them (a process that took a long time as these snakes had a habit of swallowing air so as to keep their prey alive longer)

It was only when her feet passed through the sphincter between throat and stomach did she realize tht there was no hope.

Oh, the enthusiasm of youth

Remember when I said my keyboard was bad because the spacebar was fucked up? Oh bitter, bitter universe… that keyboard too has stopped working. Right now I am using: an old rubber, roll-up, no moving parts waterproof keyboard. You press these rubbery chiclet buttons. The spacebar is broke into two lrgish chicklet buttons and both are hard to press right. The ‘s’ button is missing, so I have to press carefully into the hole in the rubber and tap the ends of the receptor together. My normal fast somewhat typo’d typing (96 wpm, some errors) is down to about 30 wpm and I have to carfully check each sentence to make sure to many mistakes didn’t creep in.

Sigh.

I have not forgotten anyone out thre. I miss all of you- I miss chatting with the ones of you I chatted with, I miss emailing with oths, I miss posting, I miss being online as much as I used to be! So filled with optimism I was when I thought my sabbatical was over- now it’s not a sabbatical and trying to refill my psychic batteries- it’s trying tofind the time to get online, the time to write, the time to do the things I used to do!

Sigh.

Things will change. I’ll be free again. I pomise you. And oh Gods above, I hope I’ll be able toafford ,yselfaNEW FUCKING KEYBOARD!!!

 

Anne (crying in frustration)

Getting There- While My World Crumbles Around Me

Last week, one of my keyboards stopped working entirely, in the middle of typing a story. Just all of a sudden it stopped recording input. And while I have killed many a keyboard by spilling diet cola drinks into them, this was not the case. It just up and died for no reason.

So I started using this keyboard to type on. A week later, and the space bar is all fucked up! ARGH. It doesn’t press right- I have to hit it HARD and off to the right. And even then it doesn’t always record the hit. Sigh. And we have no money for which I can buy me a new keyboard. Zilch. Zero.

On the other hand, I am clunking right along with the two stories I have teased people with the last few posts I managed to squeeze out between meltdowns, so there is that.

I will see you all later! IM me! Email me!

anne2snakie: yahoo

anne2snakie: aim

8692176: icq

anne.franke AT gmail.com

anne2snakie AT yahoo.com