This Is Something That Got Forwarded To Me

and I think it’s funny as all get out! It’s from a Facebook post and they didn’t forward who wrote it 😦 But I am jealous- I wish I had written this 🙂

>>>”

from a JOURNAL:

7 Oct Found this old amulet while exploring the caves out back of pa’s back 40. Deep inside through a crack in the end where the miners had stopped 125 years ago. Far underground an old castle made of tarnished metal and polished gems gone milky I found hundreds of corpses with looks of terror on their dead faces. This old guy on a throne was wearing this amulet so I took it. I had to leave because it was getting shaky and things started falling while I was running- the entire mountain fell down inside destroying everything. Everything but the amulet.

8 Oct Decided to try on the amulet while doing chores. Found I was super strong, at least as strong as 5 big men; found I had super reflexes, able to juggle while wearing a blindfold; found I could see in the dark; found I could hear so well I can hear molecules rub together. Very distracting while trying to feed the animals, drive the tractor, fix the old water pump that keeps conking out, and digging the irrigation trenches on the back 40. It all goes away when I take the amulet off. It’s… kind of sad; my normal senses are so… pale, so dull. Might wear it while I sleep.

9 Oct I don’t know if I have been dreaming or if this has been real. I wore the amulet all last night and all day today and went back to bed tonight with it on. I can see individual air molecules! Anyway, was sleeping when something woke me and I found myself standing on a golden dais in the middle of blackest space, facing a tall thin man wearing old medieval type clothing. His hair was white, long, thin; face wrinkled, hands gnarled, bent. Still very powerful, very big man. He told me a long story- I forget most of it- was pretty boring. Short story is because I found the amulet I am the Chosen One! Wielding the amulet I will be literally able to mold the world around me as if I were God himself- omnipotent, supremely powerful, and all around me less than the dust left when dust dies. Control over every aspect of every human being’s lives; life, death, sheer existence itself will be at my beck. I am become God!

10 Oct today I f*cked a goat”

This is funny as Hell!

Anne