Ups And Downs

Rudy is in a nursing home, has been for about 2 weeks now. Everyone was amazed at how weak he was. Sigh. But he’s getting massive physical therapy… he’ll be strong when he comes home.

He’s been thinking of having us sell the house we just bought and move back where we started, taking our kids with us. I like the idea but oh man what a lot of work to re-pack up the house, find a way to move, etc etc etc. And with him as sick as he is… This time would probably be the last time we would ever move.

So I don’t know.  I HATE it here where we live- fucking little podunk dead-end shallow nothing of a shit-stain on the map… No doctors here that have a brain in their heads and the ones that we DO have are fucking DANGEROUS they are so motherfucking STUPID.

Motherfucker I hate it here.

But I also want it to be a good move for Rudy, and if we could get out from under the house (something that scares me to death now- I was terrified buying the house, and now he wants to SELL it? God damn, I am glad I don’t know a thing about finances)…

Anyway, that’s where we are. I am going to try writing again here now that SOME of the stress has lowered… and I want to try chatting and RPing again, so don’t give up on me guys! I am still here

Well, Life Has Been Just Shit

since my last post, and for me to just sum it up like that with all that’s happened in my life-

Well, fuck.

Rudy’s still in the hospital, I’m spending 99% of my time with him there and trying to keep my life together the rest of the time. Not easy. Kids are starting school and I’m trying not to lose my mind.

Rudy’s not doing good. We spent a lot of time one day with him crying and talking about how hard it is for him to fight to stay alive, and that I have to realize that one day soon he’s going to have to stop fighting.

He keeps making me promise I won’t do anything horrible to myself after, when he can’t fight any more.

Anyway, he might have to stay in a nursing home after this, we don’t know. We just don’t know.

I just don’t know.

Anyway, that’s where I have been all this time, everyone. I still want to talk with people in various chatting programs- just haven’t been around, or haven’t had the energy to talk when I am around.

Miss you all.