My Husband Has Had Another Stroke

This day is Friday. Last night at 3 a.m. Rudy woke up and had to go to the bathroom. I had to help him there because his left leg was not working. WHile I was helping him there and back, he told me more of what he was feeling- numbness and weakness in his arm, his face, etc. It was after I got him back to the bed that he confided that on Wednesday he’d been having weakness and numbness on his left side.

So I called 911 and got things together. And, as our son watched, at 4 A.M., the paramedics took Rudy away to the hospital because yes, he has had his 2nd stroke.

Fuck.

Anne

Well, Fuck. How To Even Start?

The weeks since my last post have generally sucked. Rudy has been very sick- and no one has been really sure why, nor how to help him not feel so horrible. He has been despairing at night- he’s sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and sometimes cries to me about the whole shitty deal life has given him.

So Christmas basically sucked. We spent it over at his sisters, with her family. Nice family, and we had all three of our kids there. and Rudy couldn’t enjoy ANY of it because a) his continuing heart failure makes him nauseated ALL the time, and he was either vomiting or dry heaving all weekend, b) he was very weak and his pain was very bad, c) we had his oxygen pumped up to 5 liters instead of 2 because his lungs hurt so much and he could barely keep his breath.

He has to sleep at a minimum of 10 hours a day because his body is so fucked up. And we couldn’t get that, what with Reb’s kids (2 teenage girls, and a teenage son who’s in the Navy and came home for Xmas) and our kids (Robbie is getting better but he’s not 11 yet, and Josh isn’t 3 (tho he will be come april), and Rachel is only 4 and a few months…

And my fucking teeth. We spent $500 on credit to get 3 cavities filled in my jaw. Well, that was good, but not good enough. I have a root canal that I’m amazed hasn’t gone septic- the tooth broke in galf, the pin came out… the tooth itself is now in the pit below the gumline, with a hole heading straight down to the bone… lucky it hasn’t killed me.

Because the OTHER root canal gone bad probably is. It’s basically become a bone infection- gotta love that. So it hurts like a blowtorch in my jaw at the BEST of times. And the tooth on the UPPER jaw is just as bad- if there is any pressure anywhere near thetooth, it feels as if the railroad spike has been heated to white hot and is being hammered extra strong into my head.

Which leads all into the next topic which has my head so fucked up now. Think I’ll actually make it into a new post, which will be right above this one. So you will read that one first, then anticlimactically come down to this post.

 Anne

Almost Got It Done, For Those Who Care

My winxp machine had gotten- well, “farked up” courtesy of “you know who” (George W. Bush). So for ages I’ve been without an XP machine because I was wanting to take it to my brother in law to see if he could recover the ‘recover partition’.

Finally, tonight, I got tired of waiting and I didn;t want to pay $99 for a new winxp which I was sure I would have to. So, after a little “googling”, it would appear I have been able to “repair” my installation.

*ahem*.

Anne

How Could We Appear To Them?

Beings of such stature- pure immense size, sheer strength of muscle- the awesome power they wielded just living! They never seemed to see us- how could we tell? Did they see us and simply not care? Even if they started started off as we- simply mortal, delicate flesh wrapped around weak spirit, born of pain and to darkness return… they were no longer. Perhaps we seemed as merely insects or less. Perhaps not even truly alive. I know we treated the insects of our world that way- not even as something alive, merely a nuisance to remove. Was that as they saw us?

Or did they even see us?

I remember the day they came- from the sky, from outer space. Their metal encased forms descending toward us- vast, shining, and gigantic- the sheer scope and size; obviously artificial, all black shining metal yet so obviously alive. Their wings! The slow majestic wave of wing that seemingly held no purpose- seemingly, yet our cities were wafted away, as if steel girder and concrete beam were no more than simple dust and the people within… less than even that…  beneath the cataclysmic winds of those wings.

We could not fail to see them, but did they, could they, see us?

Whose God do you pray to, when it seems that the Gods themselves have descended- and not only failed to judge us worthy, but simply failed to judge us. 

Anne

“Day Break” On ABC

Amazing. Amazing television. So many good things happening (and a few bad things as well- they haven’t scheduled the airing of the latest episode of “The Nine” and it’s been weeks). I wanted to watch “Day Break” when it came out, but actually missed the first 4 weeks of it, and then missed the 5th episode last night. So, using an internet protocol that beamed them into my brain while I was sleeping I managed to check them out, and soon the latest episode will be beamed into my skull using the same protocol.

Wow. Amazing. Good, SMART program. I can’t even begin to say what am amazing program this is. Decisions, consequences. The main character was told that in the very first episode, and it’s true. Every decision has consequences.

He relives the same day. No matter what he does, when it hits 6:17 am, he wakes up in bed, next to his girlfriend. The only thing that changes every morning is that what happened to him physically the day before is still hurting him. He got shot in one episode- now every morning he has to dress the wound without waking his girlfriend. But it’s healing.

Every decision changes the day. Even how he says something, or reacts to something. And that’s a change. And he has to figure out the day to get it right and figure out what’s going on-

It’s amazing stuff. Very smart TV. What an oxymoron! And yet it’s true.

Anne
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